AS I EMPTIED the contents of my desk into a cardboard box to carry down to the parking garage, the sense of personal failure was palpable. Only 12 months earlier I'd joined the company, hopeful that I could make a real contribution to this small investment advisor.
My background seemed a perfect fit. I'd been a portfolio manager for most of my professional life—plus the portfolio I'd managed for my previous employer was larger than the combined assets of this entire firm. Yet here I was, one brief year later, packing my belongings (and my pride) and heading for the exit. I slipped out the door without even saying goodbye.
As a life-long Christian Scientist, I'd overcome many difficult situations in my experience, but this one felt more real, more threatening to my self-esteem. In the following months, I found myself ruminating about the circumstances leading up to my departure. It was a time when the stock market was in turmoil, and I was frequently at odds with my boss as we differed over the best course of action to take. As the market rolled over and the dotcom stocks began to implode, I felt vindicated by my cautious exhortations, but that only underscored our differences. Finally, it became apparent to both of us that it would be better if I left the firm.
One day as I was reading the Christian Science Weekly Bible Lesson, the story of Jesus appearing to two of his disciples after his resurrection really struck home. As the men were walking to Emmaus, rehearsing the recent events regarding their Master's crucifixion, Jesus himself joined them. We're told that they didn't recognize him as they walked along together. He asked what they were discussing. One of the men, Cleopas, surprised that Jesus had no knowledge of the drama that had just unfolded, inquired: "Art thou only a stranger in Jerusalem, and hast not known the things which are come to pass there in these days?" Jesus' response was remarkable: "What things?" he asked (Luke 24:18, 19). As if to say, Do you not understand that everything you witnessed was false? My presence here at this very moment is proof of that.
This Biblical account prompted me to revisit the "things" that had happened to me. What power was I attaching to them? In Science and Health, Mary Baker Eddy puts it like this: "We must reverse our feeble flutterings—our efforts to find life and truth in matter—and rise above the testimony of the material senses ..." (p. 262). I took this as a call to rise above the picture of a troubled employment history—a call to become a witness to the eternal law of harmony, of God's certain good. As someone who had spent most of his career in the financial investment field, wouldn't I be far better off "investing" thought with the consciousness that God, divine Principle, always present Love, orders Her universe? Wasn't that my real job, my true employment—to be witness to that?
I started to appreciate the many good qualities I had witnessed in my former employer. Her dedication to the well-being of her clients was an expression of that divine Love that is Life itself. Not surprisingly, such thinking released me completely from the resentment I'd been harboring since leaving her company.
Gratefully, I now find myself at her company once again. About six months ago, she invited me to come back as a part-time consultant, and we've been working together joyfully ever since. I feel Science and Health could be addressing my own situation when it says: "Through all the disciples experienced, they became more spiritual and understood better what the Master had taught. His resurrection was also their resurrection" (p. 34).
This experience has not only blessed my career, but everything else in my life, too. Because it taught me to bear witness to the one thing that is true: God's infinite care for each one of us.
