One cold winter evening, in my sophomore year of college, I received a phone call from my mother. A fire had destroyed the second floor of our home, my parents were getting a divorce, and my father had lost his job. After hearing her message, I hung up the phone, shaking and in tears. Everything that I thought provided me with security had suddenly been taken away. My personal belongings were gone, and I dwelled on the loss of my treasured scrapbooks, which lay in ashes. My parents were separating, and there was no money for my personal expenses or to replace my clothes. I felt as though everything good had abandoned me. For the first time in my life, I had to take full responsibility for myself.
I felt a huge sense of pressure. I did not want to burden my family with my needs, because I thought they had enough to deal with. Turning to God was my only answer. In Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures, Mary Baker Eddy writes: “… we can become conscious, here and now, of a cessation of death, sorrow, and pain. This is indeed a foretaste of absolute Christian Science. Take heart, dear sufferer, for this reality of being will surely appear sometime and in some way. There will be no more pain, and all tears will be wiped away” (p. 573). I knew that the material situation I found myself in was not permanent, and the spiritual reality of protection and supply was unchanged. I began to take long walks behind my dormitory to find the mental receptivity necessary to feel God’s guidance. My spirit was lifted in those private solitary moments, and I began to grasp the reality of God’s ever-presence. I knew I was forever in His care, and that there is never a second when God, divine Love, is not in control.
My life was no longer about the belongings that I thought defined me. Even though I was young and inexperienced in seeking solutions through prayer, I began to rely on God for all I needed. I was discovering my spiritual identity. A new feeling of completeness and spiritual wholeness filled my heart. I knew I was not forsaken because God was the source of my supply, and this helped me maintain my joy and gratitude. I was offered a job working in the college cafeteria kitchen, and I was able to sell a couple of oil paintings. I was able to meet my financial needs and never felt deprived. I was learning that matter did not constitute my identity or completeness, and I gratefully accepted the lessons in humility this experience afforded me.
