My understanding of Christian Science has come slowly. My physical and mental transformation, the result of "the renewing" of my mind, as taught in the Bible and made plain in the blessed teaching of Christian Science, has therefore been very gradual, yet in two years much has been overcome. Mortal mind has been subtly whispering to me, however, to withhold thankfulness until I am completely "transformed." For this reason I have delayed longer than I ought in giving expression to a deep gratitude for Christian Science. When Christian Science found me I was almost a mental and physical wreck, wretched to the point of committing suicide,— I had often thought of it. Physically. I had seemed generally unwell from childhood. Mentally, from a very early age I found myself constantly studying the whys and wherefores of existence. As I grew older I sought in the orthodox faiths, theosophy, spiritualism, orientalism, and hypnotism, for that which would satisfy my intense longing; but in vain. I seemed to become more and more wretched until life was a burden; nevertheless I was afraid to end it.
The earning of my living was a torture to me, because for years T had been acutely sensitive to every one's presence, not excepting that of my nearest relatives. It was with the greatest exercise of will-power that I could remain in the company of any one for any length of time, without experiencing confusion of thought and great nervousness. Many a night I have gone to my bed, praying with all the fervor I possessed that I might not arise unless to be a different man, and wept myself asleep. That condition has been gone for some time. I do not remember when it went, but I now have a self-possession, and a peace and calmness of mind, that, as compared with my former state, "passeth all [human] understanding." For the overcoming of a chronic state of gloominess, I am also most grateful. The text-book of Christian Science, "Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures," has so illumined the pages of the Bible that it is now with great joy that I read and search for its treasures, where formerly confusion, doubt, and anger reigned at its perusal.
I cannot command any words that will express my gratitude for what has been given to the world through Mrs. Eddy. To the text-book above referred to, to my class instruction, and to friends who have helped me to understand this truth, I owe much. I am gradually gaining a clearer understanding that health and happiness is the divine birthright of all men, and that I have this understanding is more satisfying to me than all else.
