FOR many years life had been full of disappointment and loss, and one night, over four years ago, things seemed to have reached a climax. In a state of utter hopelessness and with a deep yearning for something beyond and above my past experience, I went out into the garden alone. The night was black, but its blackness suited my mood as I wandered to and fro and pondered the monotony and misery of my daily life.
My life seemed a failure. Domestic troubles and business worries, together with the feeling that something within me was craving for expression, combined to harass me beyond endurance. I was lonely, disappointed, forsaken, cast down, and utterly broken; without a friend and without a home. A variety of circumstances seemed to have contributed to the condition in which I found myself. Some were the result of my own recklessness and folly, and some were apparently outside my control. However that might be, here I was, a comparatively young man, at the end of my tether and longing to pass out of this miserable mockery of existence into the oblivion which at that time I believed death to be. I cried aloud, in the poignancy of my grief, that if God really was, I might be led to find Him. The world had wounded me and I was in dire distress, humbled, and longing for rest and peace. Presently it seemed that a kind of soft silence stole upon my thought, and I was soothed and comforted. I could not explain it then, even to myself, but somehow I felt that things were going to be different.
My prayer was answered! The following night I heard, for the first time, of Christian Science and bought a copy of Science and Health. The opening sentence of the Preface illuminated my outlook upon the future, and I felt instinctively that through this book I was about to learn the way out of the wilderness where hearts are broken and joy is dead, into the paths of happiness and peace. I went away to a neighboring town, where I could read without fear of interruption, and read the book from cover to cover. It would be impossible to describe the wonder and awe that I experienced as "line upon line" and "precept upon precept" quenched my thirsting thought; but I knew I would be healed, physically, morally, and mentally. It was so. In a week or two I was freed entirely of habits of drinking and smoking to excess, habits which had been as chains about my neck for many years and which I had over and over again done my utmost to break through the power of my will, but without avail. In a week or two more I had been healed of varicose veins which were so bad that a doctor told me I must wear a bandage for the rest of my life. But, above all, I was healed of a mental unrest which amounted to a positive torture, and which only those can understand who have discovered the dust and ashes of a trust apart from God. Today I am full of happiness and exalted purpose, and all that I know by way of heavenly rest and peace has come to me solely and entirely through a careful and conscientious study, of Science and Health. It is only to be expected that would be profoundly grateful to Mrs. Eddy. I am! The stupendous achievement of discovering and protecting the outgoings of Christian Science naturally and necessarily compels the love and gratitude of its beneficiaries as well as the wonder and respect of all thinking persons.
