IT was in 1902 that I first heard of Christian Science. I was then in great trouble in every way, but felt a dogged determination not to acknowledge myself beaten. I was miserably ill. I had had rheumatic fever four times, when the doctors said that it had left me with heart disease. They advised me never to go out alone, as the end might come at any moment, and told me not to exert myself in any way.
I thought this all over and considered my circumstances. I had only a very small income, hence to follow the doctor's advice was quite out of the question. I argued it out somewhat in this way: God is Love, yet He has given me weakness and constant ill health from my earliest recollection. Why must I always be ill? God has power to do as He wills with me, so there is nothing for it but to submit and try to say, "Thy will be done." I wanted to keep my faith in the Bible, and the statement there was perfectly clear,—"God is love;" but why should love be hidden from me? I could see no love in all my sufferings. Looking back over my life from childhood, I could see nothing but hopes disappointed. What appeared to be the greatest joys of life, when just within my grasp were dashed to the ground, until I was so sick, mentally as well as physically, that I concluded death would be preferable; but I had a frantic fear of the grave, hence in my bitterness I thought that even the comfort some people find in looking forward to death was denied me.
It was at this time that Christian Science came to me. A friend lent me a copy of Science and Health, and the first lesson I learned from it was that "perfect love casteth out fear." In continuing its study I realized that divine Love does not send or even permit sickness or suffering. Since sin brings its own suffering, all inharmony is healed by the destruction of sin. Gradually old things are passing away and all things are becoming new. Formerly, if work had to be done, I thought it was my duty to do it, however bad the result might be; now, work is a pleasure, because I know that Love supplies all strength to do whatever it is my duty to do, for it is in Him "we live, and move, and have our being." Omnipotent Love surrounds us, and in this thought I can do all that it is right and necessary to do.
As I continued my study of Christian Science it seemed that every illness I had ever known or been threatened with (for doctors forewarned me of much that, in their opinion, I would have to contend with in the future) tried to attack me; but only to be destroyed, as each one has been met and overcome with Truth. About eighteen months ago, illness had again to be met in the form of rheumatic fever. I awoke one morning with all my joints set, and I was in great agony. The old sense of fear presented itself, but I remembered that "perfect love casteth out fear." The encouraging thought then came to me that the Lord's Prayer, if repeated and understood spiritually, would heal instantaneously. I began, "Our Father which art in heaven," followed by its spiritual interpretation, "Our Father-Mother God, all-harmonious" (Science and Health, p. 16),—all-harmonious, all! I then saw that in all-harmony there is no room for pain. A great sense of peace came to me,—it was the omnipotence of Love which could be felt, rested in,— so I went to sleep in this sense of resting in Love, and slept calmly for about two hours. When I awoke I was perfectly well.
I could give many, many instances of error overcome, for a Christian Scientist's life is one of progression, and overcoming is true progression. I am daily proving the truth of Mrs. Eddy's statement that "there must be a change from the belief that the heart is matter and sustains life, to the understanding that God is our Life, that we exist in Mind, live thereby, and have being. This change of heart would deliver men from heart disease" (Miscellaneous Writings, p. 50). It is only by working honestly and prayerfully that the progress toward regeneration is becoming realized.
From day to day I am actively realizing the great truth which our dear Leader gave to the world, "All is infinite Mind and its infinite manifestation" (Science and Health, p. 468). Words are too cold adequately to express the deep gratitude I feel for the teaching of Christian Science.— Croydon, Surrey, England.
