Ever since I was a child I sensed that God must exist, but I could not find much more evidence than basic intuition. I had read the Bible and could not understand it very well, although the New Testament and its message about love touched me. I searched for years in books and various church groups. I was very idealistic, and considered becoming a doctor, wanting to alleviate mankind's suffering. I felt confident that evils could be eliminated by goodwill and hard work.
Later my ambitions to help my fellowman became rechanneled, as I decided that politics was the most important way to achieve this end. I became intensely involved in social causes during the 1960s. Eventually this "answer" to humanity's woes was seen to be limited.
I became impressed with what appeared to be the "real enemy"—the evil inherent in human nature, which, it seemed, would always exist in some form. Then I became deeply depressed and suicidal. Convinced I could help no one, I began to try to find a little personal happiness. I experimented with drugs and adopted a loose lifestyle, but happiness eluded me.
