“You call this healing?!” I cried out as I threw my Bible and Christian Science textbook across my college dorm room. I had been reading selections from these two books in the current week’s Bible Lesson from the Christian Science Quarterly. Through the years these Lessons had anchored my prayers to overcome a long-standing problem—the recurring loss of consciousness known as petit mal epilepsy or absence seizures. Midway through the Lesson, I’d blanked out. Coming to, I had looked at the books in my lap and recalled what I’d been doing. Then, I’d flung them in frustration that bordered on fury.
Afterward, the room seemed exceedingly quiet and spacious. In that vast stillness, I thought about the question I’d hurled into the air along with my books. The deep reflection and spiritual insight that ensued is one of the most vivid memories of my life.
The seizures began when I was eight. Suddenly, out of the blue, I would lose consciousness for 15 seconds or so, and stare blankly into space. It was not uncommon for these episodes to happen several times a day. And yet, I led an active life, doing what kids normally do. In the warm seasons I swam, hiked, and biked. In the winter, I ice-skated, skied, and went sledding. I also had abundant freedom. And joy. We did a lot together as a family, and my parents were always attentive to my needs and safety. There was never an accident related to the seizures.
