I did not come into Christian Science for physical healing but because it answered all the questionings, doubts, and yearnings for a more practical religion, that had been mine since girlhood. And it was the satisfying explanation of the life and work of Christ Jesus, which had previously seemed to me to be like the story of some beautiful wonder-working Greek god, but of no practical avail to us. Before coming into Christian Science I had lost two babies, and I surrounded my only surviving little girl with an atmosphere of idolizing love and fear lest she too should be taken from me. Shortly after hearing of Christian Science, that which I greatly feared came upon me, and had it not been for the glimmerings of truth which I already possessed and the desire I had to know more, I would have been as one "without hope in the world." For she had been the center and purpose of life to me. Thanks to the help of my new-found Christian Science friends I learned that there is no separation in divine Love, in whom we "live, and move, and have our being," and that the relationship of God's ideas is continuous and eternal. Death is but a mortal illusion and Life and Love the ever present reality of being. I found inexhaustible comfort in these words, "The divine Mind maintains all identities, from a blade of grass to a star, as distinct and eternal" (Science and Health, p. 70). for I knew then that individuality was safe, being God-created. Since then I have scarcely ever felt any sense of separation or of loss. On the rare occasions when the temptation has come, a little honest metaphysical work has always destroyed the belief and restored me to the understanding of man's unity with God. "Divine Science rolls back the clouds of error with the light of Truth, and lifts the curtain on man as never born and as never dying, but as coexistent with his creator," Mrs. Eddy tells us on page 557 of Science and Health.
The lessons learned through Christian Science at that time were of inestimable value during the world war. Early in 1915 I went out to France to work for the Y. M. C. A. in one of their lulls. During that year and in 1916 the work seemed very hard and rough. Added to this I had other problems, and believed I had very little time for the study of Christian Science. One day, without any warning. I was taken very ill with violent pain. It was so acute that finally morphia had to be administered. As soon as I was able, I wired and wrote to a Christian Science practitioner in spite of the difficulties of the censorship. But in a few days I was compelled to go into a military hospital, as the attacks came so thick and fast. Here I was told that I was suffering from an attack of gallstones and an operation was advised, but I would not consent to that, and also refused to take any medicine. Over each patient's bed was a card bearing the name, physical complaint, and religious denomination. The mere fact of being written up a Christian Scientist inspired me with fresh courage, and I had not a single attack of pain after entering the hospital, and was discharged for sick leave in England at the end of a week.
While in London I again had an attack, for which morphia had again to be administered, and the relative with whom I was staying had me conveyed to a nursing home before I had fully regained consciousness. My husband was wired for and his entreaties and those of my family resulted in my weakly consenting to an operation. I had the support of a loving Christian Science friend who visited me almost daily. As soon as I was able, though quite an invalid. I insisted on returning to France, finding it easier to be away. I went to my hut one day, though unable to do much work, and the alternate day I had the old pain, which kept me at home very ill. Meanwhile I was working in Science and receiving treatment and most loving help from London. Still it seemed strange to me that I did not get well, but grew steadily worse, losing weight, appetite, and sleep, and gradually, without realizing it, getting to dread the alternate day and to regard the suffering as inevitable.
