I have read other people's testimonies in the Christian Science periodicals for twenty years, and listened to those given at the midweek meetings for many years, but every time I have tried to tell about a few of the many wonderful benefits we have experienced in our family, some argument would hinder me. I have learned, however, that any expression of good, any desire to help others, comes from God; that I am only a channel through which good is expressed. Through this understanding, self-consciousness and sensitiveness are being eliminated.
One evening I experienced what would be considered a serious attack of organic trouble. Just as I seemed to be losing consciousness the thought came to me that this condition was not a part of God's consciousness; that He knew nothing about it, as it was not good; that it was therefore not true, was not real, was only a false belief, although it seemed real to me. This thought was very clear; and I slowly regained my normal harmonious condition, and have had no more of these attacks.
A few days after this experience it was uncovered to me that I had been suffering for many years from self-righteousness. I had gone over in thought again and again a long list of experiences in which I had given a number of people honestly and lovingly the best that was in me of friendship, labor, time, and money, only to find that they were not true friends. Finally, the thought came to me that I need not take these experiences so seriously; that, after all, any good I had ever done had not come from me but from God; that I was only a channel through which good could be expressed; that I had done no good of myself. So, in giving God the credit, I unloaded all my cares and troubles upon Him; and whereas the burden had been very heavy, it became light indeed.
