THE EMOTIONAL PAIN WAS MORE THAN I could handle. My 18-month relationship with my boyfriend had ended, and I thought my life had ended, too. Nothing about our breakup made any sense to me. Our relationship had seemed so natural. It wasn't something I had planned or he had planned. We had quickly become the best of friends. Besides, I thought we had done everything right. Despite a strong attraction for one another, we had decided at the beginning that the basis of our relationship would be our individual commitment to our relationship with God. We had a sincere desire to keep the relationship grounded in what was real and lasting, which meant more than not only being chaste in the physical sense. For me, it was a devotion to being "pure in heart"— to focusing on and also treasuring each other's great qualities and individual expression of God.
But still, I had the notion that my boyfriend and I were perfect together and that nothing would ever separate us. Where did I go wrong? Would I ever be married? Why were my friends getting married— and I was still single? Didn't I deserve that joy, too, in my life? I questioned so much, and I didn't know how I would find any peace. Yet, as difficult as the breakup was, I felt very protected from the even greater emotional pain and intense feelings of attachment that a sexual relationship would have brought me. Even through my tears, I acknowledged that our moral stand could only bring blessing to both of us. As Mrs. Eddy says, "Whatever blesses one, blesses all" (Science and Health, p. 206).
I gave gratitude for all I had learned through the relationship, and I trusted that God wouldn't just drop me off and leave me.
