MY HUSBAND AND I HAD talked for years about remodeling our home, but not much occurred. Last year it was supposed to get done, but I was dreading the experience because I wasn't certain our marriage would hold up under the strain.
My husband and I have been married for 32 years, and, I'm sorry to say, I'd been angry at him for many of those years. In my mind, my husband was not a fair partner; he didn't help out with domestic chores or with the many things to be done to run a household and raise a child. And I was angry because I mistakenly felt that my happiness and joy should come from my marriage. I couldn't see the good things about my husband, even though he really did have a lot of good qualities—really good ones, actually. This anger kept me physically ill with chronic headaches, in addition to the severe migraines I had suffered from since I was a young child and which left me exhausted.
I became involved in Christian Science 14 years ago, while searching for a good Sunday School for our son. I had stayed away from churches for 20 years up to that point, feeling that organized religions were too full of hypocrisy and lacked spirituality.
Prior to finding Christian Science, I really didn't know how to pray. I was guided by various inspirational books, which seemed to have some truths, but never the spiritual depth I found in Christian Science.
When I began to study Christian Science and the weekly Bible Lesson, for the first time in my life I regarded the Bible as a friend. As I studied these Lessons, I found answers for the challenges I faced in my daily life.
And over the years I prayed for more love, more patience, and for guidance in my marriage and family life. As a result, I've had a gradual decrease in certain character flaws, such as thinking and saying critical things about others, being judgmental and cynical, and reacting with burning anger (usually toward family members).
Two years ago I asked a Christian Science friend to pray for me and for my relationship with my husband. She prayed for me for a short while and gave me these Bible verses to study and pray with: "For I mean not that other men be eased, and ye burdened: but by an equality, that now at this time your abundance may be a supply for their want, that their abundance also may be a supply for your want: that there may be equality" (II Cor. 8:13, 14). These promises helped me understand that God saw me not as a burdened wife in an imbalanced relationship, but blessed with all the equality and abundance I could ever need. I began to expect to feel this sense of equality in my marriage.
This expectation was the beginning of my healing. Shortly after my friend prayed for me, I finally felt more in control of the anger habit, and I was able to come home and feel a sense of peace and love. But I was not completely healed. So I kept praying on my own.
For several months I prayed to really love more and to unconditionally love my husband. I keep a journal and write down all my prayers. I often pray with certain verses in the weekly Bible Lesson, looking up words and listening for inspiration.
I prayed to know that "not matter but Mind satisfieth" (We Knew Mary Baker Eddy, p. 154), because of my husband's addiction to certain foods, which usually resulted in lethargy. I prayed to see harmony, the expression of divine Soul, in my marriage, in my home, in my life. I prayed to understand that I reflect divine Love in my whole being. I prayed to know that equality is a real part of my marriage. I prayed with gratitude for all the good in my life. I prayed to see all the wonderful qualities that my husband has: He's trustworthy, kind, generous, intelligent, and a good provider, among many other fine qualities. I prayed to feel at peace within my marriage, to accept the good, and to trust in divine Love's care and direction. And I knew that Love would give me all the help I needed to do this. Because, in reality, Spirit knows me only as innocent and loving.
As I prayed with these ideas, an interesting thing happened: A couple of my friends of other faiths began asking me to pray for them and for their marriages. Then last February, my husband (without my urging) ventured on a diet of more sensible eating, which had a direct effect on his energy level.
In mid-February, I went away for a long weekend to visit my mother, and when I got back, my husband and grown son had started the remodeling project that had been dragging for so long. They had completely ripped out the kitchen and installed a temporary kitchen in the garage.
I was wonderfully surprised and overjoyed. But most wonderful of all, all the anger I had been feeling for years dissipated. Now, I feel loving toward my husband and toward myself. I feel at peace, and I feel a sense of sustained spiritual joy that I have not felt before. Now when I come home and greet my husband, I truly feel loving. I've asked for forgiveness from God for all those years of pent-up anger, and I feel divine Love's gentle forgiveness manifested as the joy I now feel.
It's been over a year since the house remodeling project began, and we've made a lot of progress. But the best part is that my husband and I are working together, side by side, on every project, lovingly and respectfully. My husband is truly expressing divine Mind in all that he does; he has wonderful, brilliant ideas for all the projects, and he knows exactly how to carry out each part. I frequently realize that I am happier with my house all torn up than I've ever been, because there is harmony in my home and love in my heart. And some of those very domestic chores that I wished my husband would help with, he is very naturally doing consistently now, without my saying a word.
In addition to this healing of anger toward my husband, I realized early last year that I had also been completely healed of the chronic headaches and of the migraine headaches that had plagued me most of my life.
I am so grateful for Christian Science.
