This passage from Psalms came to me when I reached out to God at a time when I wasn’t sure if I would live: “I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the Lord” (118:17). It was the summer of 2005, and I was losing the ability to grasp objects and experiencing trouble walking. I felt a general weakness, and a sense of being very unwell. As the situation worsened, I could no longer practice my profession as a lawyer.
Having been raised in Christian Science, my instinct was to turn to God for healing, although I was very afraid. I had never experienced anything like this before. Gratefully, I had gone through Primary class instruction a few years earlier, and I contacted my Christian Science teacher for prayerful help.
In my prayers, I started at ground zero to decide if I truly believed in God. I came to the conviction that God was real and present, that the universe would not exist without God, and that God had to be good, not good and evil, or chaos would end all existence. Then at one point I was deciding if I was going to have the condition medically diagnosed. It took me three long months, but I came to the firm conviction that I was not going to seek a diagnosis; I was going to look only to Spirit, not matter, to tell me about my God-given wholeness. This was a crucial step forward.