I was familiar with the teachings of Christian Science intellectually but had limited knowledge of their use. After submitting to surgery, I found, upon being discharged from the hospital, that reliance upon sleeping pills and tranquilizers had been established and seemed very difficult to handle. And the state of acute, hidden mental depression and fear, present long prior to the surgery, seemed exacerbated by the experience. I asked for treatment from a Christian Science practitioner from time to time. But seeming unable to follow through with application of the teachings, I would drop the assistance after a brief time. Occasionally I picked up the textbook, Science and Health by Mrs. Eddy, to read, but other than this Christian Science help was ignored. My dependence on barbiturates for getting any rest at night worsened.
After a period of about six years, during which time grief over the passing of a beloved family member added to the confusion, I sought Christian Science help in earnest. And in the middle of one night, when pain and the need for more pills argued loud, with tears I silently cried out to God for help. I remembered that Mrs. Eddy often opened the Bible at random for inspiration, and I reached for the two textbooks, the Bible and Science and Health. Science and Health opened at page 442, at the end of the Trial allegory. The Trial had always struck me as slightly old-fashioned and of no particular use, so I was surprised that this was the answer to my prayer, but trying to be obedient, I focused as best I could.
"The Jury of Spiritual Senses agreed at once upon a verdict, and there resounded throughout the vast audience-chamber of Spirit the cry, Not guilty." Not guilty! I was not guilty of any of this! It was as though the weight of years slipped away. I started rereading the whole Trial to discover how mortal man is saved, and this was the beginning of my healing. Within a couple of months all pills had been entirely dispensed with, and soon after that years of nameless fears and mental anguish simply left me and have never returned. It is as though the experience had never been. I know now that, in Science, the suffering had not been part of my real being as an idea of God.
