I attended a Christian Science Sunday School, and I look back on this with gratitude for the dedication and patience of the teachers. But on leaving the Sunday School as a young adult, I drifted away from Science. I realize that I hadn't really understood that God is our great Physician.
When I was faced with a discouraging medical prognosis after prolonged and aggravated back problems, I felt I had nowhere to turn. The medical prediction was that an operation to correct the problem carried with it a fifty-fifty chance that I would never walk again. There was no other medical solution offered, so I spent many years in what seemed a cycle of dread and suffering. Later, after my marriage, the medical verdict was again asserted during one of my pregnancies. By then, my need to feel tangible proof of God's love was strong, and I returned to the study of Christian Science and really strove to understand it this time. There was a gradual letting go of false beliefs. I gained freedom from substance addiction and sensuality; I gained dominion over the belief of lack and feelings of inadequacy. I was grateful for divine guidance in finding fulfilling employment in time of need, and to feel God's support at the breakup of my marriage.
I began to realize that the cycle of back pain and nerves was not a physical problem but mental, and that divine Mind alone could cure it. Over time, I had the steadfast help of my teacher of Christian Science, and little by little self-will and fear let go, and I was able to demonstrate more freedom. I was able to prove that the crippling cycle was no part of my real identity as God's perfect offspring. I found the following statements by Mary Baker Eddy most helpful: "The cycle of evil" (The First Church of Christ, Scientist, and Miscellany, p. 270); and: "Nerves are an element of the belief that there is sensation in matter, whereas matter is devoid of sensation. Consciousness, as well as action, is governed by Mind,—is in God, the origin and governor of all that Science reveals" (Science and Health, p. 480).
