While Looking through a camera one day, I realized I could not focus. I thought something was wrong with my expensive camera! My vision had always been exceptional, and it took a few days to realize that the problem was with one of my eyes. There appeared to be a small tumor on the underside of my eyelid that was adversely affecting my vision. Over a period of six or seven months, it became a frightening and painful condition.
As a lifelong Christian Scientist, I knew this problem could be healed through prayer. But a fear about the increasing size of the growth and the difficulty I was having with it caused me to consider trying to have it removed surgically. I decided to call a Christian Science practitioner first. He shared a very helpful message, quoting Christ Jesus' words from the Bible "If therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light" (Matt. 6:22). I understood from this passage that if I wanted to realize the healing authority that Jesus demonstrated, I couldn't waver back and forth between spiritual and material methods. I resolved at this time to more regularly study the Weekly Bible Lessons found in the Christian Science Quarterly; and with this discipline, my determination to rely on God alone was well supported.
My continuing commitment to spiritual treatment was characterized by joy and expectancy of progress, even though I was constantly challenged by the problem. A few weeks later, I called a different Christian Science practitioner. He reminded me that "where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty" (II Cor. 3:17). He also sensed my fear that the growth was out of control and might be malignant. He helped me to see that it wasn't as important of a question whether this problem was big or little, but whether it was real or unreal. By using the same perspective Jesus had, this disease could be seen as unreal. I felt very reassured that even if it was a slow, incremental process, a diminishing view of myself as material was a doable and realistic goal for me. I prayed, using "the scientific statement of being," which Mrs. Eddy gives in Science and Health (see p. 468). It begins: "There is no life, truth, intelligence, nor substance in matter. All is infinite Mind and its infinite manifestation, for God is All-in-all." I also prayed to see myself as not being a biological life form subject to the so-called intelligence of matter. Every day it was like walking onto a mental battlefield, where I confronted fear as an imposition, having no place in my identity. By praying diligently in this way, it was easier for me to feel that God's intelligence and love were present. At one point the practitioner told me that God is presence itself, not just an occasional gift, present in times of need.
