I was frail and sickly from my childhood, fettered by the belief that I had inherited all the ailments of my ancestors on both sides of the family, many of whom had passed away with that dreaded disease, consumption, and I was taught that I must of necessity become a victim of the same. The atmosphere of my home was extremely religious. I united with an orthodox church when very young and was actively engaged in church and philanthropic work. I was taught that God sends sickness and other afflictions upon us for our discipline and correction; that we must be patient and bear them all and be resigned to God's will, hoping for better conditions "in the next world." I could not accept this doctrine, for it did not appeal to my reason.
I had an all-absorbing passion for literature and art, and though battling with ill health during the many years of training in colleges and art schools in different cities, I became more devoted to my art work as a landscape painter, and later in portrait painting. My family thought that I overtaxed my strength, and wished me to abandon these pursuits, but I said I would rather die than give them up. For many years my medicine case was regularly replenished with fresh drugs, and with the birds I took my flight to the balmy Southland, to remain till our cold weather was over. It was when a tourist on one of these trips, stopping in Atlanta, Ga.,— my halfway station from Florida,— that Christian Science was first presented to me, but I was not ready for it. It was again offered to me in New York, but mixed with so-called mental science. I detected error, was afraid of it, and refused to investigate it. It was not till two years later, after I had located in Atlanta, that I seriously turned to Christian Science. By watching the lives of Christian Scientists with whom I was daily associated, I was convinced that they possessed a secret I wanted to know. They seemed different from all other Christians I had ever known.
Ill health was not the immediate cause of my turning to Christian Science, for I was accustomed to invalidism. I think I was looking for some sure proof that a professing Christian is really true to his faith. I also had some business matters that troubled me. and a general apathy and lack of interest in the affairs of life had taken possession of me. It seemed that I was up against a stone wall of doubt, with no perspective before me. I confided these conditions to a dear Science friend, and she said that Christian Science would help me out of it all. She also invited me to attend their church the next day. I can scarcely describe my impatience and eagerness for the hour of service to come. Before this I had listened to a few sermons preached by a Christian Scientist, who afterward became a member of the lecture board authorized by the Christian Science Church. He frequently quoted in these sermons the statement that God is of purer eyes than to behold evil, and cannot look on iniquity. Although I knew he was quoting Scripture it stirred me intensely every time, and I was ready to reject all that he said, for I felt that if God knew everything He must know evil. I had not yet learned that evil is unreal, hence unknowable by good.
