Can humanity cope with the problems resulting from changing concepts of family life? Are the cords of love that have given the family coherence in the past strong enough and long enough to hold it together now? The search for the answer must continue until home and all relationships rest on a wholly spiritual basis.
The spiritual reality and power of the teaching in Science and Health by Mrs. Eddy create a natural spiritual atmosphere for home and family life; comfort, wisdom, resourcefulness, and love give thorough coherence and specific guidance, but not merely through human reasoning. The teaching of Science and Health is in every instance a divine demand. It points out how to find and establish our true relationship with God so that we may work in accord with His law of harmony.
From Science and Health both parents can learn how to overcome anxiety and fears by recognizing God not only as Father, but also as Mother, of all. In preparation for birth, both parents can daily turn their thinking from material laws and limitations to new realizations of the fatherhood and motherhood of God, learning that Life is pure, perfectly formed, and unblemished; that man possesses strength, supply, and energy from Spirit, not from matter.
Spiritual laws govern development, and the mother who realizes this can feel a freedom enabling her to go through the experience of giving birth with strength and confidence. Every function will be in accord with the harmony of Spirit, the result of the spiritual unfoldment taking place within consciousness.
Through their study of Christian Science parents find encouragement during the years when the children are toddlers and very much underfoot. For the mother, Science and Health always points a way to lift thought from the crush of family life to a sense of calm and dominion and happiness right where she is. For instance, I found this to be true when I gave heed to Mrs. Eddy's counsel under the marginal heading "Careful guidance." After speaking of the understanding that there is no death, she writes, "We must begin, however, with the more simple demonstrations of control, and the sooner we begin the better."Science and Health, p. 429;
I began to see that it was a simple matter of control to lower my voice when correcting the children, to wait patiently while they picked up their things, to put my arms around the two-year-old and comfort him when he tossed a toy that hit the baby. The sooner the child sees the example of patience and love, the stronger these qualities will be within him. The sooner parents' lives are committed to God's control from the smallest detail to the largest, the more gentle is the child's approach to life.
Is it ever too early to nourish the combination of gentleness and strength in sons and daughters? The cry today is for these two qualities in both men and women. These qualities are always present.
The simple demonstrations of control seem harder to accomplish when human circumstances arouse fear for the children's health and safety. For example, while on a walk in the country one day with their dad, our two younger sons were standing in a big patch of poison ivy, pushing each other over into it. At first this struck great fear within their dad. But instantly he got hold of his thought and drove fear out of consciousness through an awareness that because in truth God was in control and governing, no harm could come to the boys.
The thought then came that he didn't want the children to touch him. But the suggestion only forced him to lift his thinking higher through the realization that God is Love, the only creator. It gradually became clear to him that God has all power, and is the only Maker of the laws that govern man. He was freed from the fear, and the boys experienced no bad effects.
The so-called laws of poison and contagion rest on fear—fear that there exists an evil power capable of disturbing the peace and harmony of God's children. This rules in human experience unless it is neutralized by the true understanding of each child's undeniable relationship to God. In this relationship the child's health and safety are governed by the laws of God. His laws do not bind or cause discomfort. Laws of God are laws of Spirit that support, strengthen, and protect, and so rule out fear.
We can confidently trust ourselves to the protection of God's laws and should teach our children in their turn to obey and trust these laws. "The entire education of children," Science and Health tells us, "should be such as to form habits of obedience to the moral and spiritual law, with which the child can meet and master the belief in so-called physical laws, a belief which breeds disease."ibid., p. 62;
"Habits of obedience to the moral and spiritual law" are essential for any degree of unity in family life. Disobedience divides; it cools relationships. Real love brings out and supports the self-discipline required. The only genuine safety for home and family lies in fulfilling moral and spiritual law. Sternness can be a very real expression of love. Seeing this brings to discipline an underpinning of tenderness. Speaking of God, the Bible reminds us, "Thou gavest also thy good spirit to instruct them."Neh 9:20;
Obedience of the child to his parents is essential, but even more essential is obedience to the laws of his relationship with God. This relationship demands that he express love, thoughtfulness, patience, unselfishness. And in this relationship the child finds intelligence and courage with which to make decisions and cope with unexpected situations. This is his protection. As he becomes more obedient to God's laws, his thinking becomes more spiritual and material dangers less threatening. The indulgence of thinking from a selfish and material standpoint will lessen.
This discipline of self-denial is vital to schoolwork, to athletics, to friendships, because disciplined, spiritualized thought eliminates to a large degree idle dreaming and procrastination, the hurt feelings of defeat, and the desires arising from self-centeredness. Obedience to the true laws of Love brings stability to family relationships.
It is profoundly important, more than ever before, to find the Christ to be the moving force of the teen years. The Christ-spirit, the Christ-example, the Christ-love as taught in Science and Health, can be the saving power for individuals, home, and family.
The Christ-spirit is expressed first in moral might—in standing firm for the truth we know and are committed to. The Christ causes us to rely on the purity of spiritual thinking instead of becoming confused by worldly thinking. The moral might of the Christ, developed through years of upbringing in a home where the laws of God were observed, gave a young man the courage to finish his final exams at a time of physical discomfort. Away from home, he had battled with the pain off and on during the final weeks of the term, relying on the laws of Spirit, which had always sustained him. When exam time came, however, his courage began to fail. "I simply couldn't concentrate on studying because of the pain," he relates. "I decided to postpone finishing my academic work and go home. I called the family to let them know.
"They reminded me that I could stay and finish the job because I would be doing what was morally right, and because obedience to the moral law of Mind, God, would sustain me." He says, "When I saw the studying for my courses as an opportunity to express the moral power of Mind, the pain began to lessen. I was able to do the studying and pass the exams. Until I made the moral power of Mind my own by starting to work, I wasn't fully accepting what Mind was imparting to me. Only when I started living in accord with it did I feel the might of it. By continuing to turn to God, I found freedom from the pain."
The Christ-spirit enables us to rely for safety on divine Mind, which impels right doing and brings protection to children however far from home they may be.
But home needs protection too. Crime, accidents in the home, fire, theft, and so on must not be permitted to mar the simple view of home as refuge. Can we hope to keep home a sanctuary, uninvadable?
The Christ-spirit can be relied upon to give the home atmosphere a feeling of protection. In Science and Health Mrs. Eddy gives an idea of significance to the protection of the home in a paragraph beside the marginal heading "Spiritual sanctuary." Here she explains about entering the closet when we pray. "The closet," she says, "typifies the sanctuary of Spirit, the door of which shuts out sinful sense but lets in Truth, Life, and Love."Science and Health, p. 15; Home is an idea in consciousness. Our protection is in letting into thought only the spiritual qualities that ideally constitute home. Consciousness is an uninvadable sanctuary when the thinking within it generously expresses the Christ-spirit. A generous expression of the Christ-spirit is exemplified in a quality of vast importance to family life—the quality of trustworthiness.
Trustworthiness in an individual results from the practice of truthfulness instead of deceit, a desire to show unselfish affection instead of jealousy, an effort to be patient and thoughtful instead of irritable, and even a yielding to a little humor instead of to hurt feelings. These Christian qualities of thought keep the home aglow. They can convey a feeling of the Christ-spirit to all who enter that home and family life.
It is often during the years of adolescence that the need for both parent and child to strengthen habits of obedience to the moral and spiritual law is most sharply revealed. The Christ-example becomes very important at this time. It is largely what is seen at home that gives moral fiber to teen-age activities.
Parents might ask themselves: Are we living up to the highest ethical and moral standards? Do we trust one another? Have we a hopeful view of the future—not just optimism, but a confidence in the supremacy of good, founded on what we have learned in our own working relationship with God? The home where the Christ-example is loved and lived is the home where there is a deep commitment to seeking spiritual truths before seeking material values. This spiritual commitment reaches into one of the biggest challenges to family life—enough money for the needs.
Our family found the living slim during the early years. One time we woke to a day when there was no money for food or rent. It looked hopeless. How was I going to feed our three children? I was reduced to tears. Something, definitely, had to be done.
It was. It began with my husband being awakened through his study of Science and Health to recognize that he had been looking to his clients for supply, both for himself and his family, instead of to God. Because the clients failed to pay he had been believing supply was cut off. "Why, that is unchristian, putting such a burden on them," he now thought. "God is the source of provision for all our needs, the clients' and mine as well." Immediately the sense of burden dropped away.
As he became increasingly aware of the infinitude of spiritual supply, he no longer felt there was any reason to blame the clients. They began to pay. Then he became conscious of the need for humility. He stopped outlining where the supply should come from. This opened the way for good to come to the family through many new avenues. Next, he became aware of the spiritual value of confidence. He found himself able to face each new day in trust that God was providing for the family's needs from a stable, enduring source of supply. Then he recognized the perseverance and energy he was applying in his work. And finally both of us felt real gratitude—gratitude for the rewarding nature of his work, which brought to him true happiness and peace—riches beyond telling. Since then, during the high school and college years of family life with all their financial demands, there has been adequate provision for every need—and more.
Mrs. Eddy writes, "In the scientific relation of God to man, we find that whatever blesses one blesses all, as Jesus showed with the loaves and the fishes,—Spirit, not matter, being the source of supply."ibid., p 206; Spirit supplies only spiritual substance. In accordance with "the scientific relation of God to man," loyalty to spiritual values must come first in home and family life before "the loaves and the fishes" become evident, before the material supply appears. This is the order of the Christ-example. Love, humility, confidence, trust, perseverance, energy, gratitude—these spiritual values in helping one area of family life help all areas. And there are many facets to the needs of family life.
Sometimes the family need is for a larger home or a better job, for health, or for moral courage and self-respect. Sometimes it's for the comfort of companionship. Sometimes the call is for greater wisdom, sounder judgment, more patience. What human source could cope with this range of need? The one real need is to establish spiritual values through "the scientific relation of God to man." The Christ-example lived and cherished in the home never fails to bring forth evidence of the abundance this relationship ensures.
And now the Christ-love. The indispensable place of the Christ-love in family life is hinted at in this bold statement made by Mrs. Eddy: "A mother is the strongest educator, either for or against crime." ibid., p. 236; Could any love except one patterned after the Christ-love be capable of carrying out such a responsibility? What else but the Christ-love has the spiritual discernment, understanding of sacrifice, and spiritual freshness able to lead the new generation away from crime?
Mothers cannot know firsthand what their children are doing every minute. But the more they turn to God, the divine Mind, with confidence in His ever-present care, the farther will their children be steered away from crime.
It seems safe to say that mothers the world over cherish the hope that their sons and daughters will be expressing the highest qualities of true manhood and womanhood by the time they leave home. Youth going forth to face the world needs the integrity of disciplined thinking, consideration and respect for the rights of others, reliability, the willingness to accept responsibility. They need ideals broad enough to satisfy more than their own comfort, deep enough to keep their footsteps sure as they travel through human life, high enough to know no limit to their aspirations to achieve the ultimate of their capabilities as God's offspring.
Christ Jesus talked often of man's sonship with God. Spiritual sonship describes man's unseverable relationship with the divine Mind. Recognition of this relationship brings out one's inherent ability to express wisdom and to make decisions with courage and spiritual strength.
What is the mother expecting from her sons and daughters? Reaction, laziness, expectations that lead to moral aberrations? Or love, moral strength, commitment to the purpose of fulfilling the requirements of spiritual sonship? If she expresses the Christ-love, she will not dwell on mistakes. There is a strong demand from the Christ-love for sacrifice. To practice this love is to sacrifice condemnation and to forgive mistakes by lifting our expectations higher. It directs actions and desires away from moral deviations and toward the fulfillment of the requirements of spiritual sonship.
"Some of the things I used to do may not have exemplified the soundest moral standards," says one young man. "Yet these lapses never had a lasting effect on me because of the spiritual foundations of our family life. These foundations laid by constant study of Science and Health were present whether I acknowledged them or not. I didn't always feel a conscious thought of this as wrong or that as right, but the support and confidence at home rendered any potentially harmful influence powerless; it just couldn't develop."
Is the parents' grasp of Science, of the laws of Spirit, up to the level required each new day? The hunger of today isn't often satisfied with leftovers from yesterday, as any mother knows. The need of home and family is for fresh ideas, continuously, to support daily, hourly growing. Through deep and consecrated study of the Bible and Science and Health ideas needed are always just at hand. The Christ-love is not static. It is never stereotyped. It is continually open to new ideas unfolding spiritual realities within the consciousness of man.
There is tremendous unity within the family when the family feels the support of the Christ-love. But to be able to keep the Christ-love active in thought, we need periods of quietness in the home. Family relationships require frequent strengthening by the spiritual renewal of quietness. Quietness is needed to hear the often silent calls for help. These are fragile moments. One has to be quiet to hear. Quietness is not passivity. The quietest home I know is bursting with vigorous mental activity within.
The pace of home and family life, however, fluctuates, and often charges ahead with increasing momentum. Many mothers are constantly on the go, mentally and physically. Many fathers feel a conflict between the pressure of occupation and the pull of home. Youth, excited with ideas, looks in all directions for achievement, acceptance, support. Where is the respite from the action? Where is the quietness? Where is the spiritual renewal?
Science and Health provides a way to inner quietness, a way to drink deeply and earnestly from the fountain of spiritual renewal. In a paragraph beside the heading "Renewed selfhood," Mrs. Eddy urges: "Let us feel the divine energy of Spirit, bringing us into newness of life and recognizing no mortal nor material power as able to destroy."ibid., p. 249;
Father, mother, and child each have distinct individuality. It is there, however smothered it may seem to be by daily chores at home, being "backbone" to the rest of the family, routine demands at work, or the requirements of school. Science and Health gives a depth and breadth and the promise of fulfillment to this individuality. Mrs. Eddy writes: "The intelligent individual idea, be it male or female, rising from the lesser to the greater, unfolds the infinitude of Love."ibid., p. 508.
This teaching leaves no place for the development of one person's potential at the expense of another's. It insures room for the development of each one's individual talents, purpose, motives, and objectives in life—not as the selfish ambitions of a willful mortal but as the unfoldment of the infinitude of Love. Can there be a harmful element in the infinitude of Love? Can there be an overcrowded field in God's universe? Can fear or doubt have any weight in the infinitude of Love? Can there be divine support for hopelessness or a closed future? Can God decree suffering because of conflicting careers? God supplies only completeness for every son and daughter.
There is room for bringing to full bloom every intelligent individual idea. And this fulfillment can be experienced within the framework of home and family. The Father does not ask us to choose between family and career but to work out, when necessary, the enhancement of each by the other.
The growing needs of the family require, on the part of everyone, a developing understanding of one another, sharper intuition, wiser judgments, greater and greater capacity to respond to new situations, awareness of growth as a continual process rather than an end to be reached. Dare we demand less of ourselves in any career?
Where each one's individual development is seen in the light of God's love, home and family have a share of happiness that cannot be taken away. This joy is far too big to be kept within the walls of home. It has to permeate the community, the church, the business—wherever family members share their lives with others. Multiple God-directed careers existing side by side within the family cannot conflict when each individual's activity is seen as unfolding the infinitude of Love. Instead, there is a basis for helping and supporting one another. And this family unity, wrought daily by each one turning often to his relationship with God, creates a natural spiritual atmosphere in the home.
Individual spiritual unity with God is the heart of the teaching in Science and Health on home and family life. Spiritual unity with God grows through finding the moral might and trustworthiness of the Christ-spirit, through following the ever-present Christ-example, through insisting that relationships be supported by the Christ-love. Spiritual unity with God promises fulfillment for each one's individuality.
The teachings of Science and Health plant the home on an unshakable foundation of spiritual unity. Family life may be jarred at times but will only settle onto firmer, surer ground when it is based on the provable understanding of man's real and living relationship with God.
