My expression of gratitude for the spiritual rebirth and regeneration which Christian Science has brought into my life and into our home is long past due. My healing was truly one of baptism, for, as our Leader, Mary Baker Eddy, says in "Miscellaneous Writings" (p. 203): "The baptism of repentance is indeed a stricken state of human consciousness, wherein mortals gain severe views of themselves; a state of mind which rends the veil that hides mental deformity. Tears flood the eyes, agony struggles, pride rebels, and a mortal seems a monster, a dark, impenetrable cloud of error; and falling on the bended knee of prayer, humble before God, he cries, 'Save, or I perish.' Thus Truth, searching the heart, neutralizes and destroys error."
At one time, in just such "a stricken state," I cried out, "'Save, or I perish,'" because of a problem which loomed so large that an overwhelming sense of futility engulfed me. I had lost all reason for existence. Our marriage was failing from circumstances which seemed irreparable, and divorce, to me, was the only answer.
To add to the mental depression I was experiencing, it looked as if the responsibility for our marriage's failure lay on my shoulders. This caused a great sense of self-condemnation. Whenever I asked for my freedom, it was always refused since there were young children to consider.
