Six years ago it would have been hard to find a more discouraged mortal than I, not because of ill health, though I was far from strong, but because I was so unhappy that I longed to die. The conditions of our home life were discordant and our financial affairs distressing. Nothing, aside from the comfort derived from our two children, was as I would have it. I longed to do for them, but my hands seemed tied so that I could not. Despite all this I was determined to make a success of life and constantly strove to do right.
Troubles piled upon us so fast that at last I grew afraid of what another day might bring forth. I became affiliated with a Christian church in early girlhood, but I had never experienced any spiritual awakening other than a desire to do right. Underneath a lightsome exterior, however, there was always an undercurrent of heart-hunger which seemed never to be appeased. Not finding satisfaction in the church, I sought it in society and in literary circles. These I enjoyed, but still the gap was not filled, and I again turned to the church and devoted myself zealously to every duty, wondering sometimes, though, if we were really following in the footsteps of Jesus. I often visited other churches and was willing to accept anything better if it was to be found.
I had heard of Christian Science and had no prejudice against it, but thought it was only for those in need of physical help. About this time a friend told me of her husband's healing, which was quietly taking place under this treatment, and I rejoiced that God actually was answering their prayer, even though I believed He would not answer mine. At this time I was attending some revival meetings, with a heart crying out to God to manifest Himself to me. Then the above-mentioned friend gave me the Christian Science text-book, "Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures" by Mrs. Eddy, to read. I did not realize that Christian Science was a religion, but could not leave the book alone, although I did not seem to understand much of it.
One morning, while busy with household duties, a revelation suddenly came to me that God did exist, that He was lovable and loved me, and for two weeks I realized that the kingdom of God is within. The light that broke upon me was so beautiful, the love so satisfying, that I wept for joy. The grass had never seemed so green, the dew so refreshing. All my life I had just taken these things for granted, and never realized that they pointed to divine Love.
From that moment I was a changed woman. The heart-hunger was appeased, self-righteousness dethroned, my heart chastened and purified, and I had the settled conviction that there was a God. I thought I had reached heaven and could never again experience suffering. I dwelt upon the mountain; evil, sickness, sin, suffering, was round about me; yet I was in it but not of it. It was indeed the nothingness of nothing to me. At this time I was freely proclaiming my faith in Christian Science, and sometimes attended the services, seeing no reason why my church should oppose it; but 'I brought upon myself such a torrent of abuse and warnings against it that I was willing, if it were the work of the devil, as I was told it was, to leave it alone, for I wanted only God's truth. So I reluctantly gave up the copy of Science and Health, thinking the spiritual light might have come from the revival meetings, though I could not recall what the minister had said that had enlightened me.
Having laid aside this study, there followed many months of mental anguish, and but for the memory of the light I had seen, that glimpse of the spiritual sense of being, I could never have borne the trials that came. It was as if the door of heaven had been opened wide to me only to be closed in my face; but the revelation was the truest thing of my whole existence, and I could only wait for the Father to show me the way out of the sea of fear and poverty and discord. Devoting myself more assiduously than ever to the duties of my old church, I found my associates more lovable than before; but time made clear to me that what I was seeking they could not give, and it was as if cords were ever drawing me to the little Christian Science church next door. The service there had seemed so restful, the few times I had attended; it had comforted me when I was weary and heavy laden and had come for rest.
After a year of this floundering in darkness and misery, I decided to give Christian Science a fair investigation, regardless of what any one else thought. Soon Science and Health again fell into my hand, and I felt that having asked the Father for bread, He would not give me a stone. That night such a sense of peace and rejoicing came over me as I read, that I knew I had found the "pearl of great price;" there was no need for further seeking. Our two children were playing on the floor, and as it came time to retire I quietly laid the book down; but as I passed my little daughter she looked up, caught hold of my skirt, and exclaimed, "Mama, let me see your face." When I asked her why, she gazed searchingly, wonderingly, and said, "I never saw your face so sweet." For the moment I was transformed by the renewing of my mind. The storms of doubt and fear were swept away, God commanded the waves. I have never really doubted Him since that night, or that Christian Science is the rock, Truth, though at times the waves have beaten high.
I had no thought of physical healing in this search, but have found Christian Science most efficacious in all the manifestations of sickness that have come to us, among them colds, fever, biliousness, ivy-poison, rheumatism, croup, and whooping-cough. For all these proofs I am thankful, and also that Mrs. Eddy's teachings sufficiently explain Jesus' works to make them practicable for every-day use. I have been enabled to prove the truth of Christian Science for myself and others.— Oklahoma City, Okla.
